OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize