im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
