you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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