i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
