DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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