but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
