I puked a lego.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
