she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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