coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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