there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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