Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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