Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
