I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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