Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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