Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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