People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
