Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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