Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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