This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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