Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
