I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize