i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
