I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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