I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
