how can u be prego again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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