Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My liver just had a heart attack.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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