I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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