just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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