Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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