we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
