Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
