I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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