I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
