It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
