ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
