Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
