I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
