Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize