you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
