I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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