I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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