Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
