I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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