So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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