Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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