I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
