Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
