Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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