then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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