Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
