Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
