Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
