Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
