i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
