it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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