once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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