fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
