Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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