you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
