FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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