Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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