We won't sleep together?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
