I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize