More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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