He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize